At 10:27pm this past Thursday, the New Baltimore Pennsylvania & Area Volunteer Fire Department responded to a call of an erratic minor at 622 Cowpen Street. Upon arriving, they found a sixteen year-old dancing spastically, not in control of their limbs. Using their ImplantProbeMax 2.0 It was recently purchased from Neuralink with funds raised through the department’s annual car wash. the minor’s various implants were scanned and a variant of the New Saigon virus was detected. Unable to remove the virus because their probe needed an update, the minor was transferred to Central City Free Clinic and sedated until next week when a Neuralink technician is scheduled to arrive and reboot the implants. They’re expected to make a full recovery, once the virus is removed from their brain implants.
The minor had the free implants installed last week for their birthday at the Walmart in Bedford, through their partnership with Neuralink, to provide youths free implants to alleviate America’s FDA-declared social-media epidemic.
New Saigon The virus is suspected to originate from a hacker group belonging to the Chinese People’s Liberation Army. is the most recent virus to attack implants which show the victim a fictitious reality undetectably different from actual reality.
This is the fourth incident this week of a teenager affected by an implant virus in the Johnstown area. Health officials blame weak encryption keys installed at the factory. Neuralink says the users are at fault by choosing poor passwords. Walmart didn’t respond to questions. A class-action lawsuit has been filed against Neuralink for negligence. It’s owner Elon Musk xeeted “no comment”, while claiming in a follow-up xeet he was on his initial voyage to Mars and would address this issue upon returning to Earth in three years.